Gaming, Smartphones and Boys
In a previous school, I recall having a conversation with a colleague whose teenage son had ‘turned their house upside down’ searching for a key. The key in question gave access to a locked room which held the family’s internet connected devices. You see, my colleague had unwittingly allowed family agreements, restrictions and rules to soften over time, and their son had become terribly addicted to gaming.
The social media ban for children under 16 in NSW and across Australia, which took effect on 10 December, 2025, has produced mixed results, with millions of account deactivations (around 4.7 million in the first two days) hailed as a ‘huge achievement’ by government officials, while many teenagers have easily bypassed the restrictions.
At the end of the day, effective parenting and education of children and adults around ‘safe technology use’ will have the greatest success.
With this in mind, and due to the potential consequences for children of inappropriate technology use, over the coming weeks I will be repeating a series of technology safety articles I released early last year titled, “Big Tech and its ‘Big Shock’ to Childhood” (based on the work of Dr Jonathan Haidt). I hope you find the articles helpful as you continue your critical role in supporting your son to develop his ‘future proofing’ technology skills in a safe and wise way.
Before I present the first edition of the series next week, it is important for you to be aware of boy specific technology concerns.
Dr Justin Coulson, Tristan Harris, and Dr Jonathan Haidt have a considerable focus on how technology specifically impacts the developing brains of boys.
Their central premise is that apps and games are not ‘neutral’ tools; they are persuasive technologies designed to exploit human psychology.
- Dopamine Loops: Tech uses ‘variable rewards’ (likes, notifications, or loot boxes) similar to slot machines. This keeps the brain in a state of constant craving, making ‘real life’ feel dull by comparison.
- The ‘Bottom of the Brainstem’: Tristan Harris describes this as a ‘race to the bottom’ where tech targets primitive emotion (fear, social approval, and outrage) rather than the rational prefrontal cortex.
- Continuous Partial Attention: Constant pings prevent boys from entering a ‘flow state’, leading to a permanently fragmented attention span.
Why Boys Specifically?
- Video Game Displacement: Boys are statistically more likely to spend excessive time on gaming. Experts argue this replaces ‘risky play’ and real-world competence-building, which are crucial for developing masculine identity and confidence.
- Withdrawal from the Real World: Dr Jonathan Haidt notes that while girls often face social comparison on platforms like Instagram, boys are more prone to ‘checking out’ of society entirely - opting for virtual achievements over real-world milestones (school, jobs, dating).
- Aggression and Regulation: Excessive screen time can lead to ‘Electronic Screen Syndrome’, where the nervous system is in a constant state of ‘fight or flight’, leading to meltdowns when the device is taken away.
Key Takeaways and Solutions
Most experts suggest a shift from ‘monitoring’ to ‘restructuring’:
- Delay the Smartphone: A common recommendation (led by the Wait Until 8th movement) is to avoid giving a child a smartphone until at least 14 (Year 8 or 9).
- Screen Fasts: Dr Victoria Dunckley recommends a 3-4 week ‘brain reset’ (no screens) to allow the nervous system to return to a baseline state.
- Prioritise Boredom: Allow boys to be bored. Boredom is the ‘Research and Development Department’ of the brain where creativity and self-reliance are born.
- Model the Behaviour: Children (especially boys who look for ‘blueprints’ of adulthood) will mirror their parents' phone habits.
The concern around boys and technology is often a mix of valid developmental data and ‘moral panic’. As of 2026, research shows that while technology offers incredible avenues for learning and creativity, boys are uniquely susceptible to certain ‘digital traps’ due to the way many platforms are designed.
As parents, by being well read about technology pitfalls and steadfast in enforcing collaborative technology agreements with our boys, we can harness the benefits of technology for them, while also ensuring balance and wise use by them. Being clear on our responsibility as our son’s parent, rather than his friend, can set him and us up for success.
Peter Grimes | Headmaster
