“What is Mosman Prep’s Secret Sauce?”
The words above were relayed to me by a Mosman Prep parent this week. They had been shared with them by a parent from another school who was highly impressed by Mosman Prep’s deeply connected and thriving community.
“Pastoral care is a clear standout compared to any other school I have come across in Sydney. The academics are also excellent, but at such a young age, a deeply caring and nurturing environment is my priority.” (Parent Survey feedback 2025)
Last week I attended an IPSHA Head’s Conference, hearing Dr Justin Coulson speak on the highly regarded and thoroughly researched ‘Self-determination Theory’.
As parents, we all want our children to grow up happy, motivated, and well-adjusted. Self-Determination Theory (SDT), a widely respected psychological framework, offers powerful insight into how we can foster this growth by focusing on three essential, universal psychological needs: Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness.
In the context of SDT, Relatedness is the fundamental human need to feel deeply connected, to belong, and to feel cared for by important people in our lives. It’s the sense that you are significant to others, empowering you to give care and affection in return.
‘A comprehensive study of adults 10 years out of school clearly identified that students do significantly better on every measure when they feel that they belong’.
“What I value most about Pastoral Care at Mosman Prep is the genuine care and attention given to each individual child’s wellbeing. The School creates a warm and nurturing environment where students feel safe, supported, and understood. I appreciate how the staff take the time to get to know each student personally and provide guidance not just academically, but also emotionally and socially.” (Parent Survey 2025)
Humans are ultra social, designed to connect. It is important to us to feel seen, heard and valued. When this happens, we are more likely to internalise values, have emotional resilience, be engaged and motivated, and in the case of our boys, be equipped to optimise learning.
When a child feels a strong sense of relatedness (safe, secure, and loved unconditionally), it isn't just nice, it's a critical "psychological nutrient" that fuels their intrinsic motivation, healthy development, and overall wellbeing.
How Can Parents Help?
Practical Ways to Foster Relatedness
- Be Present and Involved - Engage with your children without distraction, even if just for short periods (such as reading a story to them).
- Express Unconditional Love - Separate the child from the behaviour, make sure your child knows your love is not contingent on their success, behaviour, or performance. Use language that shows this and show him affection and warmth.
- Create Shared Family Moments - Engage in rituals and traditions, such as eating dinner together, and collaborating during cooking or games.
For the sake of our boys and all in our community, we need to nurture and fiercely protect our special Mosman Prep community culture. We have to get trust and respect right, so everyone has faith that others will act in their best interests. Fractured relationships lead to breakdowns in trust which cause friction and impact on engagement and motivation.
By committing to and consistently nurturing Relatedness in our community, we are creating a psychological foundation where we can all thrive.
“I appreciate the wonderful values and warmth - and the genuine interest and attention the School takes in helping our son develop into a confident, happy and motivated boy who is excelling at school. We love how Mosman Prep has made our son excited about school!” (Parent Survey 2025)
Peter Grimes | Headmaster
